Man! This is really tough!
You know how you sometimes open up the fridge or look in the
food pantry, because you’re hungry (or at least want a snack), but not really knowing
what you want. As you stare into the
vast grocerial abyss, you just are not seeing anything available that looks
good to you?
Sometimes finding a new romantic wagon to which to hitch
one’s proverbial trailer is like that. Now, add to the search criteria all that
comes with being more established in your life path and even the logistics that
come with having additional life forms with their own respective needs to
meet. There are so many more variables
that go into choosing a person with whom I want to spend life enjoying and
working through the trials as a 35+ father of 3 than when I was a single,
childless bachelor of 25.
This is a BIG decision.
As we ALL have learned from Guru
Covey, it’s best if we “begin with the end in mind.” So, where do I begin? How do I keep from missing some key
issue? SURELY, the good Lord will tell me who is my ideal mate and how to
find her, right? I mean, He loves me
enough to send the heavenly-warm fuzzy-fairies my way to “confirm all truth”,
right?
Weeeellllll…. kinda.
After four years of being a single dad and making some wiser
choices sometimes than at other times, I’ve learned and shifted my “revelation
paradigm” on marriage and choosing a prospective spouse.
Yes! The Big Guy ABSOLUTELY
loves you! In fact, He loves you more than enough. However, He loves you enough to not necessarily tell you to whom you
should hitch your marital wagon. After
earnest prayer and reviewing multiple presentations and guidance from
individuals I trust, I’ve (finally) come to the conclusion that, similar to
choosing a career, the Lord allows us
to make the choice of whom to marry.
It is then for us
to live with the subsequent rewards and trials of the personality, style,
interests, and attraction with the person we have chosen. It’s a choice. It’s OUR
choice!
He showed me long ago that regardless of the paths we choose in life, there will be hills to
climb, vistas to see, and rocky, slippery trails where we skin our emotional
knees and even break/bruise a few ribs, toes, and clavicles along the way; and
yes, even our ever-lovin’ hearts.
There are so many different ways to sort through the
“dating-base” of other single spouse-seekers.
How and what we choose to make our criteria for the selection, and yes
“elimination” process is wholly up to each person. It comes down to what and how my criteria mixes and matches with
someone else’s. Here in-lies the
challenge of chemistry and logistics of reality.
Don’t get me wrong. The Big Guy is definitely still included and
part of my “prospective partnering process”. I invite vision to see, heart to understand,
and spirit to discern things I may not otherwise see; or more accurately to
which (my hormones and) I am inclined to ignore. Many times have I experienced seeing and or
understanding things I likely would not have realized until much further down
an emotionally challenging road. Not
that she was “bad”, just not the fit
I hoped.
All too often He has proven that He will always be there to
help navigate the treacherous waters of decision, heal from the pain inflicted
by others as well as my less-wise decisions, and join in our joys. Ultimately though, it is up to us what we chose as our palate of
pleasure and pain because it will be we who endure the aforementioned results
of the choice(s).
To be clear, I’m not saying he won’t confirm your decision.
He might. However, it’s been my
experience as I’ve spoken with literally dozens and dozens of fellow single
seekers, that too many of us are awaiting our personal burning bush or conduit
from heaven presenting us with our perfected, eternal companion.
So, I suggest we all 1) Get our criteria in
order. 2) Be open to possibilities; 3)
dump our previous mis-guided assumptions; 4) and for the sake of your own
sanity, ASK SOMEONE OUT Or Say YES to someone you might not have previously
thought to be “in your league”!
(Just be sure to pray before you do so you don’t mess up.
Ha! ;-) ).
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