How to Lose a Date in 10 Seconds

As an active single-dad of 3 equally active kids who makes an occasional attempt at actually finding “Ms. Right”, I’ve come to shrug and even shudder at some of what my fellow searchers do as they meet and get to know (or really screen) their prospective parenting partners.

Is THIS what your questions and comments are telling others?

C’MON guys!!! Some of you are really doing some damage to the prospecting pool.  You are killing me (and others) with the way you go about conversing with women! 

Don’t believe me? Well, here are some real-world examples of what some of “us” are saying out there and… and it’s GOT to STOP!

Real Quotes

While talking with a very attractive woman who happens to also be a mother of three, this “winner” asks within the first five minutes of getting to know her: “Oh you have three kids huh? So, are you fixed?”

Seriously? “Fixed”? What are you a veterinarian and she’s a prospective patient?

And just so you don’t think this is from one clueless goof, I’ve been asking around and narrowed the all-too-lengthy list down to these real-life winning examples during first meetings! Hopefully, you will recognize the concerns from the statements below. If not, keep reading!

She said, he said

Ally – 38: I had a guy tell me he was going to make me fall in love with him by the end of the song. Needless to say, we’re both still single.

Marci – 39: I had a guy ask me to dance during which he said, “I asked you because I didn’t think anyone else would and I wanted to give you a chance.” I was stunned.

Jennifer – 36: Sitting next to a guy who was obviously in his 60’s (at a church function, no less). He made this proposition, “I’ve been celibate for seven years and I’ve been looking for a sweet, young thing to help me change that.” Then, he winked at me.

Amy – 35: Was asked on a 1st date, “So, how close are you to menopause?”

Alexandra – 40: I had one guy ask me if I still had functioning ovaries and uterus… on a 1st date.

Shelly -34: I had a guy ask me to dance and then didn’t talk to me. It was a bit awkward so I asked him, “Are you enjoying yourself?” He responded, “I was until you started talking to me. I don’t want to answer any questions. I just want to dance.”

Alex - 37: received this winning compliment, “You’re so beautiful. Why are you single? What’s wrong with your personality?”





Shannon – 36: I had a date lie down in the parking lot and do yoga! Ugh!

Lucky Alexandra also received this beauty of a compliment: “Y’know you’d be really pretty if you lost some weight. Do you plan on doing anything about that?”



And my most…well, I guess my LEAST favorite comment. I’m simply astounded a guy with enough of a brain to formulate words and drive a car would present this question in a brand new social setting, “So, when was the last time you had a pap smear?”

Guys, guys, guys!! What is going on inside those singularly-focused heads of yours? Look, I get it. You guys are nervous… and/or focused on all the aspects that might go wrong… or how it didn’t go so well the  last go ‘round… or there may have been health issues “last time.” And THIS time you want to make sure you avoid that with this new “prospective partner” so that there’s less of the sickness in the “sickness and health” or more of the better in the “for better or worse” clause. But SERIOUSLY! Take a breath, gents!

If I were there with you and available to be your wing-man, I totally would be, but I can’t. So, while that is not possible, let me help where I can and offer this bit of insight and information.

How to Fix it

Dudes, get a clue! It’s not a race. You don’t have to hurry to find out if your prospective partner “qualifies” or not.  Even if you’re an engineer, you can’t just go through your “Checklist of Undesirable Traits”. First, make it about the other person to start with. Get to know a few basics about the person. You gotta build up to it a bit.  And I don’t mean get a medical history… yet!  All things in time, my friend. All in time.

Quit with the judging questions. You need to build a rapport. Create an environment where the other person (and you) feel comfortable sharing.  Remember, this is supposed to be Fun! So, put on your big boy pants and a SMILE, Jack.

If you’re concerned about not wasting time (or money) on a pointless date, there are other means to determine whether or not there’s enough to build on to move forward.  It’s not like they aren’t doing the same thing from their perspective.

Here are some SAFE questions I suggest you ask to find out more about her without coming off like a Nazi SS Inquisitor. (Next time, I’ll even tell you what some of the answers could mean or indicate about their experiences and maybe even their perspective on life).

~ Where’d you grow up?

~ Tell me about your family?
~ Which child are you in the family?
~ What keeps you busy? (besides kids)
~ What kind of music do you like?
~ What’s the last movie you saw or book you read? Did you like it?

The answers to each of these questions will give you valuable information about their interests and personality traits. No, it’s not the final test… But, it’s a whole heckuva lot better than asking when their last trip to the doctor’s office was and why… on a 1st meeting. OY!